I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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