I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
