Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
a search helicopter?!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
