so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Randomize
