Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
