lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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