i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
