I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
