Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
