If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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