**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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