Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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