I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
