i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
