Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
