the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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