the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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