A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
