I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
