I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
