i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and she was petting her beer can
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
