...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
