his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I woke up under a house in Key West
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