separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
