you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
