i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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