2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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