My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
