Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
