i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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