I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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