Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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