i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
