I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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