I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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