I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
