I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Randomize
