I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
