Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
