so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
