I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
