That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
