Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
