i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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