Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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