And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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