My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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