If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
