She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
