Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
