Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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