i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
