Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
