Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
